Knit One, Purl One

All I’ve done this weekend is knit and watch Lord of the Rings, and I honestly see nothing wrong with this. I go through phases with my hobbies (and mostly everything else in my life); once upon a time I loved to knit and did it constantly. Now I’m back into it. I finished a scarf for my mom I’ve been working on for ages – a lilac simply soft scarf. I tied it up all cute with a white ribbon. I hope she likes it!

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            Other hobbies I cycle through are writing poetry, drawing, exercising, and meditation (just to name a few). I have a hard time sticking to one thing except when it comes to friends and family. I’m solid and loyal with people. With things, I’m all over the place. I go through really quick, passionate obsessions with things. Hobbies are just today’s example.

Anyways (I’m always getting off track), I wish I could balance these hobbies or interests. I have 5 core values: loving, balance, peace of mind, growth and hope. Balance is what I worry about with this one. I want to live a life that embodies balance in every sense – where I try not to be overindulgent or avoidant. I wish I could balance every hobby or interest but I don’t have enough time in the day or inspiration. I guess there is nothing wrong with this. I just make strangely high expectations for myself. I have an image of how I want to be and I strive and strive for it. I just don’t want to come crashing down and be disappointed with what I’m stuck with.

In my adolescent psychology class, we discussed the types of self (sort of a flair of Freudian). There is the actual self, which is basically who you are. The feared self is what you don’t want to become. The aspired self (I don’t know if that is the right term) is the person you want to be. Sometimes when a person is so focused on being the aspired self, they make that version of themselves unreachable. That self is too perfect that no one can live up to it. Then you accept the feared self as who you are and give up. I know I’ve been like this before. I try to keep a positive attitude and not fall back into this. That includes lowering my expectations of myself or (a better way of putting it) changing my priorities. It has been a long journey to how I am now, but I feel like I’m in a better mindset. I am now looking to my relationships and contributions and passions, instead of my academic success and work success. 

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